Author: iam_spock aka sylar
Word count: 1015
Notes: AOS Pon Farr, no on screen sex. I hated how Star Trek Ongoing did Pon Farr, so here's my version.
It had been years since I left Vulcan, 7.7 to be exact in Terran time, which I had adapted to in my years in Starfleet both at the Academy and my years of duty. I had been second guessing my emotional state for the past month. The thick walls I had placed around the churning tempest of hurt, anger and need had turned from stone to glass. There was a rising level of paranoia that made me suspicious, and I could feel people watching me wherever I was. At first I thought it was because I was hurt, licking my wounds, because of the end of my relationship, but I was wrong. Yes, I was hurt, but it was not the cause of my situation. I was in the first stages of Pon Farr.
That realization ratcheted up the fear. I had hoped that I would be spared it, which was illogical as my Vulcan genetics had been dominant in every other aspect of my physiology. Why would my breeding cycle be any different than my rapidly beating heart and the green blood that rushed through it? I had been foolish to believe in such an illusion. One cannot simply decide which parts of their genetics were acceptable.
Starfleet approved my emergency request for leave, and I took the first available ship to Vulcan. I did not tell my parents that I was coming. My father and I had no reason to speak, which wasn’t quite true. We could try to salvage our tattered relationship, but facing Sarek while I was teetering on the edge of the Plak Tow would not end well for either of us. The thought of ripping into him, letting him feel my fury for not defending my mother in front of the Vulcan Science Academy was still a seeping wound on my soul. I hated him for it.
There was a car waiting for me at the port when I arrived on Vulcan. I’d left no instructions to be picked up, so I was surprised to find T’Pau waiting for me in the back of the vehicle. We exchanged greetings, keeping any feelings that we had hidden behind our masks, but I did see a hint of concern in her dark eyes when she saw the tremors in my hands when I accepted some water.
“Be thou ready, Spock?”
“Yes.” I had thought that coming home would make it better, but it was worse. The heat had seeped to my bones and stoked the fire in my blood. I wanted to say more to her, but I could not manage a sentence without my voice shattering. I was thankful to have made it home before I lost all control.
T’Pau informed me that T’Pring was waiting for me at the appointed place. She also told me that Sarek and Amanda were on Earth. I let out a snort, unable to hide my emotions, at how ridiculous it was that my parents had been a few miles from me in San Francisco before I’d taken the trip home. I hoped when this ordeal was over that I would be able to see my mother.
Our mating had been brutal and brief. I had grown used to being with someone I loved in moments of intimacy, and this was not that. By the time I had been left alone with T’Pring I had lost my mind. I was an animal. We both were, and we were covered in bruises and scratches stained with bright green. The sheets of our bed were soaked with the violence of our mating.
But at last my mind was clear. I looked at her long dark hair spread over the pillow. “It is shocking that the pillow survived,” I said when her eyes opened, and she looked at me.
“It is as I thought,” she said, coldly, which was not a shock. T’Pring is Vulcan. She has not lived off world as I have. “You have spent too much time on Earth among the humans.”
“I was not aware that my location troubled you.” I rolled from the bed, wincing when the sheet stuck to my shoulder where she had torn me open with teeth and nails.
“It is not your location, Spock. It is your blood.” She slipped from the bed, gathering her robe from the floor while I found my own clothing. “There will be no child from this.”
“I see.” I wanted to babble, to tell her that it was not unheard of for there to be no offspring in a first mating, but the words would not matter. They would fall on deaf ears. I bit the inside of my lips, suddenly feeling very much like I did when I was the outcast child. My illusions were gone. Ripped away with a few simple words and the disgust in her eyes, T’Pring did not bother to hide her feelings for me when she looked at me.
“I have already made the arrangements to end our marriage, Spock. You need not remain on Vulcan to attend to those details.” With that said, she turned and left the chamber, leaving me alone.
I did not flee the room. I made my way to the baths with my clothing in my arms, my stoic mask in place. No one in that house would see my anger, because it was anger. Once again I had been told that I was not worthy—that I was less than they were—because I was half human. I did not wait to find out where my mother was before getting on a ship back to Earth to Starfleet. I had outgrown the need for seeking comfort in her arms, and I could not bear to see the look on Sarek’s face when he found out the marriage he had arranged was over before it began.
All that I wanted was to go home, and as I watched the blue ball of Earth appear in the darkness of space, I realized that Starfleet was the only place where I belonged.