Author: iam_spock aka sylar
Word count: 1094
Notes: This happens after Nero’s death and before Enterprise returns to Earth. Spock has not met Spock Prime yet. He doesn’t know he exists.
Without warp capability it will take Enterprise five weeks to return to Earth. Before then Starfleet will send other ships to take the Vulcan refugees and our injured ahead of us while we wait to be towed home. The damage from the gravitational pull on Enterprise will make the stress of tractor beams an issue, but I am certain that we will be able to make them work. I am working on the schematics and calculations at my station on the bridge—how many ships will be needed and where they can focus their beams without causing additional damage. But that is not all that I am considering. My talk with my father was weighing heavily on my mind.
I was uncomfortable in his presence. I had been ever since the day I chose Starfleet over the Vulcan Science Academy. We had not spoken as father and son in all that time, not until my mother died. He’d told me that he loved her, and for that single moment I felt that he might also love me under his Vulcan mask. I knew that I’d disappointed him with my choices, and I had hoped that we would be past that now.
But I was uncomfortable because he had seen me lose my temper on the bridge. He had seen me try to strangle Kirk in my rage, and that shame would take years to fade. Kirk would forgive me long before I could forgive myself, and I can be honest and admit that if Sarek had not been there, I’d be able to let it go much sooner.
“Spock.” Sarek stood before the door of my quarters. I had a small duffle filled with necessities to take with me to my temporary lodgings while he and the elders shared my quarters. As First Officer mine were much larger than the rest of the crew, and the four of them would be comfortable there with the temporary bedding from ships stores. The bedding was adequate used primarily for away missions, but it would serve.
“Yes sir?” I paused. Waiting patiently for him to tell me why he wanted me to stay. The others would be arriving soon. They had wanted to give me time to remove what I would need. Since we had left Space Dock early, I had nothing to move other than a couple of spare uniforms and grooming items.
“I would like to talk to you about Starfleet.”
“I see.” The old wounds were suddenly torn open once again with that simple sentence. I braced myself for a replay of the conversation—no argument—that we had before I left my family home for what had been the last time. I would never again watch the sun rise from the balcony or walk my mother’s flower garden where she had Earth and Vulcan flowers filling the air with color and fragrance. My throat grew tight thinking of my loss. I tried to remind myself that every Vulcan on this ship and the other survivors had all lost as much as I did, but my human side did not let me feel better about that. If anything it made my misery worse.
“You will accompany us when we find a new world, will you not?”
“I had not considered the possibility.” I had not. My place was Starfleet with my ship, my crewmates and Nyota. It was home. Starfleet gave me a safe haven where I seldom had to deal with the prejudice and bigotry that I had growing up half alien on Vulcan. For such an enlightened people they were not above reminding me that I was less than they were. The Minister’s insult against my mother is after all what made me chose Starfleet. It was an emotional reaction on my part, but it had been the right decision. I was happy.
“It is your duty to assist in the settlement and rebuilding of our race, Spock. It is the logical thing to do. Surely you must see that.”
“I do. But I am only one man.”
“Spock, I know that you have made a life for yourself in Starfleet, but you must realize the importance of our people outweighs your needs. The good of the many.”
“Outweigh the needs of the few.” I swallowed the lump in my throat as I thought of Nyota. She could not go with me. I would not do to her what my father had with my mother. She would not be called a human whore. I would commit murder if anyone spoke of her like that. I am not my father. There would be blood on my hands. “Or the one.”
I wanted to remind him that T’Pring had ended our betrothal because I was not who she wanted—what she wanted. She did not want her children to be part human, and while it was possible to filter out my human genetics, there would still be that stigma. I’d grown up with that, going out of my way to be more Vulcan than I had to be to prove that I was better than the sum of my DNA, but she wanted none of that. And I could not blame her for that choice. I would not have stayed with her. The pressure would have fallen on her shoulders completely.
That had been a difficult situation. Awkward and filled with raw emotions caused by Pon Farr, but in the end, I knew that she was right. We ended our bond, and I had been free to explore different avenues. I also understood that my father did not mean that I should return simply to mate with our females. I was needed for much more than that.
“We will be creating a new world, and it would be helpful to have you at my side.” Sarek’s eyes met mine, and for a moment they were filled with warmth. “I need your help, my son.”
“Spock?” I looked up to see Nyota standing over me at my station. “You looked like you were a million miles away. Are you sure that you shouldn’t get some rest?”
“I am fine. I have a great many things to think about is all.” I squeezed her hand gently. Our relationship was no secret to anyone on the bridge, and as gossip travels fast than warp speed, I was quite certain that the rest of the ship was aware of it as well. “But I promise that I will get some sleep when my shift is over.”